We all tend to engage in what’s known as “demanding thinking,” using words like “should,” “ought,” and “must.” The more frequently we use these words in our thoughts or speech, the more pressure and stress we place on ourselves.

For example, you might think, “I should clear my to-do list before the end of the week,” or “I should make more time for my friends.”

The more these “shoulds” and “oughts” pile up, the more likely we are to feel frustration, disappointment, anger, guilt, or even depression.

Interestingly, the word “should” comes from the Anglo-Saxon “sceolde,” meaning “owed” or “obliged” which hints at how we may be internally scolding ourselves.

One of the most demanding versions is: “I should be successful at everything I try to do,” which places an almost impossible burden on us.

We often learn this style of thinking in childhood. The more rigid these beliefs become, the more critical we tend to be of ourselves and others. The following exercises are designed to help you loosen or reduce the number of “should” statements in your internal dialogue.