Personalisation

Personalisation is the tendency to take responsibility for things that aren't your fault, or to assume that external events are directed at you. It's another cognitive distortion.

Example: Your child struggles at school and you think: "It's my fault. I'm a bad parent." A friend cancels dinner plans and you think: "I must have done something to upset them." Your team misses a deadline and you think: "I should have prevented this."

Personalisation loads you with responsibility for things that are actually caused by multiple factors — many of which have nothing to do with you. It is deeply entwined with low self-esteem. If your core belief is "I'm not good enough" or "I'm defective," personalisation becomes a way of confirming that belief.